Resources for Family and Children

These are ways we, as a people of faith, need to be about always.

1. Turn off the TV.
2. Spend time with children.
   
3. Listen to children.
   
4. Pray with children.

Listed below are two Web sites that Kaye Edwards from DHM has found particularly helpful. They are sites that parents, pastors, child care workers and church school teachers might want to keep permanently book marked.

www.faith-at-home.com and www.parentcenter.com

No Child is Safe Unless All Children Live in Safety

As we struggle to reassure and keep safe our own children, let us not forget the many children, in this nation and in other parts of the world, who have lived all of their lives with the daily threat of violence. We pray that joining with children to look for true peace can lead all of us to a deeper understanding of the statement, "no child is safe unless all children live in safety." We pray that we will be motivated to do even more to reach out to children beyond our own families and congregations.

The Children Defense Fund and the Annie E. Casey Foundation are two organizations dedicated to educating the American public about the state of children in the United States. They are working to make this country a safer and more nurturing place for all children. They have resources and networks through which you can get involved to help make this nation a safer place for all children.

Information about the status of children in other parts of the world can be obtained through the United Nations. If you are interested in doing something for children in other parts of the world, consider sponsoring a child overseas. Contact Global Ministries of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). The program is called, "If you have hugs to spare."

Working toward peace and understanding

Parenting for Peace and Justice has many resources to help people of all ages learn to live peaceably together.

Skipping Stones: A Multicultural Children's Magazine is a nonprofit children's magazine that offers opportunities for communication among children from different lands and backgrounds. Articles are written by and about children. To subscribe, request reprints or submit articles contact: Skipping Stones Magazine; P.O. Box 3939; Eugene, OR 97403; skipping@efn.org.

Free Spirit resources

As families face the realities of war with Iraq, we need to be mindful of how each day's news of war and other world events is heard, understood, and absorbed by our children. All kids need guided access to sound, age-appropriate information to help them cope with the variety of feelings such a barrage of news can incite. With your help, children and teens can acknowledge their fears, voice their questions, and develop the skills they need to feel resilient, rather than powerless.

At the end of this text, we have included suggestions from Douglas Bloch (author of The Power of Positive Talk: Words to Help Every Child Succeed) to help children understand their fear or anxiety about violence, sudden change, and personal safety. I hope that Douglas's suggestions will be useful as you help your child develop the confidence and positive coping skills necessary to keep the headline-induced fears in perspective.

In addition, several organizations via their Web sites offer tips and talking points about war, terrorism, the media, and other issues helpful to parents and teachers. Here are a few that you might find useful:

• Talking to Children About Terrorism and Armed Conflict
  http://www.ces.purdue.edu/terrorism/children/index.html
• Talking About Terrorism and War
  http://www.familyeducation.com/article/0,1120,20-6055,00.html
• Talking with Kids About the News
  http://www.childrennow.org/television/twk-news.htm
• Talking with Kids About War and Violence http://www.pbs.org/parents/issuesadvice/war/index.html

Also, please visit the Free Spirit Web site, where more titles designed to help children and teens (and the adults who care for them) can be found.

—Judy Galbraith, President and Founder

Free Spirit Publishing: Using Positive Talk to Help Children Cope with Fear About World Events
By Douglas Bloch

Fear always has two components—the actual fearful stimulus and what we bring to it from our state of mind. In helping children deal with their fears, it is important to distinguish between the two types of fear they experience.

The first kind of fear protects them and helps them stay safe. When we cross the street and spot a car coming toward us, this fear wisely shouts, "Get out of harm's way!" The second kind of fear is more perceived than real. Instead of protecting us, this type of fear gets in the way of normal functioning, learning, and growth. Thus talk and images of conflict on the evening news may lead to children's imagining that their own world is, indeed, unsafe.

There is only one fear behind all fears—the fear of not being able to cope. Too often children believe that they cannot cope. Positive talk can heal children's feelings of powerlessness and helplessness by providing messages that they can take care of themselves and that there are adults in their lives who are able to help.

Positive affirmations that children might say to themselves include:

• I can cope.
• I am learning to take care of myself.
• I can reach out for help if I need to.
• I am safe.
• I have someone who watches over me (a parent, teacher, caregiver, or, for those with a religious orientation, a guardian angel).

Children are often exposed to a great deal of violence through television shows, movies, and electronic media. In addition, they often overhear conversations by the adults in their lives who are distressed about violence on the news and in the community. They might wonder: Will someone bomb my school? Will someone start shooting in the lunchroom? Will I be safe? Will my family be safe?

Here are some affirmations you and your child can both say to counter fears of violence:

• It's okay to be afraid when something violent happens.
• I can take precautions to be safe.
• There are people who can help me if I don't feel safe.
• I can help make my world a safer place.
• I can figure out what to do if I have a problem.
• I am very safe almost all of the time.

When children become fearful, they rely on their caregivers to help restore their sense of safety and security. If they are exposed to current world events, they need support in dealing with their fears. Here are some ways parents and teachers can help minimize children's fear of violence:

1. Develop open communication. Encourage children to talk about their fears. It does not help to tell them, "Don't be scared." Instead, validate their feelings and let them know you think their questions and concerns are important.
2. Provide reassurance. Let your children know you love them and that they don't have to face their fears alone. Give straightforward information about events or situations that may be frightening them. If you don't know the answer, be honest. For example, if a child asks, "Why does that sniper want to kill children?" you can reply, "I don't really know why. Maybe he's very angry about something and doesn't know a better way to handle his angry feelings. We can't always know why people do things like that." Then offer reassurance: "I will do everything possible to keep you safe."
3. Monitor the media. Set limits for your children on exposure to television shows, movies, and electronic media that display violence. Join with them in watching the news and other shows that discuss current events, and talk about how the violence in the world affects real people like them. If you see them imitating violent actions they've seen on a screen and laugh about them, that is another good occasion to talk about how violence is very painful and real.
4. Help children find ways to express their feelings. Making drawings, playing with toys, journaling, or writing poems are ways they can "talk" about their fears. Let them tell you about what they have created.
5. Help children reach and communicate with others. Let them know how to write a letter to the President or to a newspaper about their thoughts on any violence that upsets them.

Let children know your own feelings. Show them that it is a natural reaction to become anxious and fearful when something violent happens. Be sure to offer some reassurances as well—to yourself and your children—that will teach them that fear does not have to be crippling.

—Copyright © 2003 by Douglas Bloch, M.A. Adapted from his book, The Power of Positive Talk: Words to Help Every Child Succeed ($16.95, www.freespirit.com) For use with permission from Free Spirit Publishing; contact Amy Dillahunt, dillahunt@freespirit.com

The Lion & Lamb Project

The mission of The Lion & Lamb Project is to stop the marketing of violence to children. They do this by helping parents, industry and government officials recognize that violence is not child's play—and by galvanizing concerned adults to take action. Lion & Lamb offers parents, teachers and other concerned adults a number of resources including an award-wining Parent Action Kit; parenting workshops; and a manual for organizing violent toy trade-ins.

Teach-In

Can Saddam Hussein be disarmed without war? What role can nonviolence play in bringing justice and democracy to the region? What are the real reasons for the rush to war? Will war lessen—or increase—the threat of terrorism in this country? Are there alternatives to war?

Across the country, students will be exploring the complex issues surrounding the planned war on Iraq and engage in a dialogue about creative, nonviolent alternatives to war.

If you are interested in downloading a free copy of the Teach-In packet, visit the Sojourners Web site or contact Nathan Johnston.

Kids to Kids

Kids also want to help others during times of loss and grief. They can also contribute to Week of Compassion through KIDS to KIDS. The KIDS to KIDS Week of Compassion Ready-Set-Go! Fund is READY to receive donations from kids and SET to see that every penny of the kids' donations GO directly to help kids who are affected by violence, whether in this country or overseas.

home • your prayers and ideas, or responses